Human Cow

It’s not as bad as what happened to the people in Human Centipede, but for the past four weeks, I have been a Human Cow. I am breastfeeding our baby, Max. He has been alive for 29 days and eats about once every two to three hours, for a total of 10 times a day…. Continue reading

Fictitious Nonfiction

There is a scene in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, a book by celebrated writer John Berendt, where two lovers are having sex in a cemetery. Berendt describes the interlude in detail, even quoting the conversation of passersby whose sudden appearance startled the intertwined pair. The quotes are rather long, which got… Continue reading

No Sandwiches

There are a million, gazillion things you’re not supposed to eat when you’re pregnant. My boss, John, told me (emphatically) to stop drinking soy milk. Other people have raved against potato and macaroni salad from the deli. Online message boards and baby websites say to avoid hot dogs, hamburgers, soft cheeses, caffeine, green tea and… Continue reading